At the Hospital

Surgery Day

Wednesday, December 14th started out like any other middle-of-the-week hump day, with one small change. Normally, my 10 1/2 hours of dialysis didn’t finish until sometime between 7:30 AM and 8 AM., however, I started earlier the night before so I could finish sooner. I wanted to be present with my oldest daughter (10), to help ease any anxiety she may have felt about her mother and I both going into surgery later that day.  As I was preparing my morning Metamucil, both my daughters (youngest is 3 1/2) came into the kitchen and gave me hugs.

These hugs felt like an affirmation from both girls that, in spite all the challenges my health problems have caused them to miss out on normal father/daughter activities (the tiredness making it hard to have the energy to play with them, for example) they still loved me and were as hopeful as I was that a new kidney would equate to a new me.

After saying goodbye to my oldest as she left for school, it was time to get ready myself. It’s funny, you can give yourself plenty of time to get ready but ultimately still feel rushed out the door. Thankfully, we gave ourselves plenty of time to drive down to UCLA Medical Center, but then again, time was in abundance that day. 

Originally, I was prepared to wait around most of the day as Kristin had to check-in for her surgery at 11:30 AM and my surgery check-in wasn’t until 4 PM. When they called me up to report to pre-op at 1:45 PM however, I thought that my surgery had been moved up. Nope. I waited and waited and waited. I did have a spunky pre-op nurse who brought a good sense of humor to the waiting. Finally, the doctor from anesthesia stopped by and after asking me questions I already answered for the nurse, he told me it would be another 45 minutes or so before I went back to the OR. An hour later, I was visited by the assisting surgeon, who, after asking me more of the same questions, told me it would only be another 30 minutes. Somewhere between 45 minutes to an hour the main surgeon stopped by and asked if I had any questions. It was then I was told that part of all the waiting was that the new kidney had finally arrived at UCLA. From there it was at least another 15-20 (or 500 million years!) minutes before I was finally wheeled back to the OR. All that waiting, and within 5 minutes the Anesthesia knocked me out.

 

Post-op

I woke up in terrible pain. It was about 11 PM at night (or so they tell me) when I finally awoke from the anesthesia. My right-side incision where they installed my new kidney was torturing me like crazy. All I could do was shout in pain, and what made it worse was the compound discomfort of the catheter they had inserted into my…well, you get the idea. 

Whoever created the amazing medicine that is morphine should be immediately elevated to sainthood! My nurse must've pressed the magic button and soon, I was back asleep. I only awoke a couple of times over the next several hours. I was still disoriented and when I would try and press the morphine button, nothing would happen. As it turns out, I was trying to press a black connector piece on my pulse-meter that was in button camouflage. My intuitive nurse pointed it out to me and found me the right magic button to push.

I finally woke up for good at 4:45 AM, and I felt fantastic. If it wasn't for a bit of soreness, and the fact my surroundings indicated I was clearly in a hospital recovery room, I wouldn't have known that I just had surgery the night before. After getting settled in my bedside chair, I, and the elderly woman in the bed next to me began to chat. She was recovering from having a kidney removed because of cancer. What I enjoyed about her was her cheerful yet sarcastic nature. She was one of those women that had enough life experience and grown enough in wisdom to be unapologetic. My favorite part was when my roommate joked about her husband's hearing and the likely scenario that he would not hear the phone call from UCLA to come and pick her up. "Well, I guess I won't have to cook...actually (addressing the nurse), can you just not call him?"

The rest of the morning was one big blur with visits from doctors, kidney care coordinators, nutritionists, pharmacists, therapists, and my father who would keep me updated on how Kristin was recovering. I was annoyed that I couldn't eat any real food until dinner. Nothing says appetizing like sugar-free jello and lukewarm broth! Also, the hospital was quite full, so I ended up staying in the Post Anesthesia Care Unit (PACU...I always wondered what that acronym stood for), until right before shift change at 7:00 PM when I was moved up to the 8th floor and my own room.

Kristin did come by to see me after she was discharged until my father drove her home. I must admit that, when Kristin left, I began to feel alone. Up until that point we were both in this together, and while we still are, I couldn't help but feel like we were now walking two separate paths of recovery. Some of my feelings were caught up in the grief that Kristin, my over 23 years partner-in-crime couldn't be my caregiver while she was recovering from her donor surgery. The rest of my feelings were the beginning of the weight of responsibility of the daunting task of caring for my new kidney.

I have a friend whose gone through a couple of kidney transplants, and they warned me that there might be some weird side effects to transplant. Well, I think I discovered that one of them is that I now get hot flashes. There will be times when my body will just get unbearably warm, and it comes without warning! This certainly reared its ugly head when I tried to sleep at night. Let's just say that my nights in the hospital did not go well.

 

Day 2 Education Day

Who knew there was so much that went into learning about taking care of a transplanted kidney?! From 9:00 AM to about 2:00 PM, it was nonstop education about diabetes, nutrition, diet, caring for the actual kidney, and learning about all the medications that I would be on. All the while my vitals still needed to be recorded, my medications distributed, and visits from doctors continued.  There was even a visit from a Dr. Datta (pronounced "data") who promoted a research trial they wanted me to consider being a part of. Yes, he was Dr. Datta who studied research data!  By the end of it, I was overwhelmed and exhausted! Thankfully, when you're resting up in a hospital, any time can be nap time!

Probably needless to say, but the amount of responsibility continued to rise, and feelings of uncertainty over whether I could be successful, started to flood into me, causing me to become rather restless at night. It was also starting to sink in just how many different emotions, both positive and negative, were wrapped up in this whole thing. There was my grief in the horrible health choices I made over the years that led me to have to get a transplant, including the detriment and stress my choices put on my family. 

Anxiety and fear were also part of the equation. I struggle with food addiction. It's the one addiction you can never reach sobriety from. As I now start down a path to take really good care of this new kidney, can I keep old and unhealthy eating habits at bay? It doesn't help that it's Christmas time and there are a lot of good things to eat! I already feel temptation to pig out on Christmas goodies! But so far, I've stayed disciplined and resisted!

Now, it's not all gloomy feelings, I also feel truly thankful, blessed, and filled with joy that I was able to get a kidney transplant. I have been given the gift of new life. I feel like a different person; a better version of myself. I feel like I've been baptized via kidney transplant! The old Zach was washed away when the anesthesia put me to sleep. I awoke anew with a new kidney, more energy and vigor, and a new baptismal journey to taking care of my whole being.  

I give thanks to God for leading me on this journey, for guiding the surgeon's hands, for the excellent care I received through my UCLA medical team, and for opening my anonymous' donor's heart to a sacrificial love which led them to donate their kidney.  I also give thanks for my spouse. I will never be able to fathom just how much she loves me; an unconditional love that emulates the love of Jesus. She too gave of herself through donating one of her own kidneys, and in doing so saved two lives. I am eternally grateful!